


Twenty Miles

by Midoki



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 15:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6810208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midoki/pseuds/Midoki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate!AU where you get to know your soulmate through the memories you have of your past life.</p><p>Mahanon decides to study abroad and Hawke has to deal with a new flatmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you might be interested in this one c:
> 
> Twenty Miles - Deer Tick

When Garrett Stannard is a little boy, he loves to read fairytales. Myths and legends fascinate him, especially the ones with dragons in it. 

His mother is usually too busy to read to him, and so is his father. They both work at huge companies, is what his nanny Leandra tells him, and it is not easy for them to make time. Therefore, Leandra sometimes brings a book along and reads to him the stories he adores so much.

Garrett still has very good memories of these evenings when Leandra would gently tuck him in, sit on the edge of the bed and allow them both to escape reality for half an hour or so.

While he enjoys very much every single book Leandra has ever brought along, the one he loves the most is the Champion of Kirkwall. 

This tale is about a hero who starts of as a dirt poor refugee and ends up with the title of the Champion. Along the way, he encounters many interesting people and makes many new friends. 

There are also dragons.

When Garrett tells Leandra it's his favourite book, she gives it to him. "Make sure you take good care of it," she playfully lectures him with a warm smile.

He does.

 

 

The dreams start when Garrett is twelve years old. 

His first thought is that his imagination must be going wild because he loves the Champion a lot, so much that he starts to think of how the hero's life might have been.

He reveals his dreams to Leandra. She gives him a big grin and tells him about soulmates. 

"Everyone has a soulmate who accompanies them through all times," she explains. "That is why people start to remember their past lives. Some memories are better than others, and not everyone does remember their other half. It may also happen when you are relatively old. However, each little piece will bring you a bit closer to your soulmate!"

Garrett has heard of this, of course. His parents are not, though. He can't relate.

Upon the question if Leandra has found her soulmate, she just gives him a sad smile and tells him to go to bed.

 

 

Garrett soon enjoys digging in his mind to reveal everything about what has been forgotten. 

He will wake up and know what his past-self's favourite food was, that he had two siblings (although he doesn't remember what they looked like, just that they existed) and already loved dragons back then. He also discovers that everyone used to call him Hawke, which was his surname at that time.

"Should I call you 'Hawke' as well now?" Leandra asks with mischievous laughter. 

The nickname sticks.

 

 

With sixteen years, Hawke wakes up after a nightmare and realises that Leandra used to be his mother. 

She smiles when he tells her. 

"I know," she says and starts crying silent, happy tears. Hawke hugs her as tight as he can.

 

 

Leandra is very happy to learn that Hawke has made a friend at high school whom he remembers from the past. 

"You won't believe me!" He all but yells when he comes home and rushes into the kitchen.   
He has grown very tall, much taller than his old nanny, with lanky limbs and broad shoulders. 

"I met the Inquisitor today!" Hawke blurts out excitedly. 

Leandra offers him a content smile and a a steaming plate of food. "You can tell me over dinner," she says and listens to him all evening.

 

 

Two years later, just when Hawke has graduated, Leandra passes away.  
Garrett mourns in silence.

His parents have finally agreed on a divorce and are occupied with paperwork.

Mahanon Lavellan, who used to be the Inquisitor in his past life and remembers seemingly everything but his significant other, invites him over a lot at this stage. He does his best to comfort his friend. 

Luckily, Mahanon's parents Carver and Merrill Lavellan are very accepting of Hawke's situation. Sera, Mahanon's little sister, keeps annoying both of them on a constant basis. Hawke doesn't care nor mind.

Much later, Hawke will realise that, besides Leandra, this is the first sense of belonging and family he has ever experienced.

 

 

Unfortunately, Hawke's mother Meredith decides to intervene when it comes to his future plans. 

"You will definitely attend university and study Law," she says with conviction. "After all, you have to take over the company at one point!"  
She enrolls him without asking, and Hawke has no power left to resist.

He doesn't really know what he wants, might as well become an attorney.  
Mahanon doesn't talk him out of it. Instead, he suggests to start a flat community. 

 

 

They find an accomodation which belongs to a Master student named Leliana; the former members recently moved out. 

In retrospective, this was the best that could have happened to Hawke. He starts to get better, eventhough nightmares of both present and past remain. But the warm atmosphere of what he calls his home now gives Hawke strength. 

He won't forget Leandra, he decides as he puts a framed photo of her on his nightstand. He'll focus on the good memories, though.

 

 

Hawke's relationship with his father has more or less completely stopped after he left the country last year. Meredith is still there, pressuring him into finishing his degree so he can start working at the company. Hawke rarely talks to her.

 

 

It is a minor shock when Mahanon announces that he wishes to go abroad for a semester. 

Not only have they started looking for a new flatmate since Leliana will leave in a few weeks and Hawke doesn't want to decide on the matter on his own, he is also afraid of being alone. 

He has depended a lot on his friend over the last years, so it certainly won't be easy.

Nonetheless, he encourages Mahanon and expresses his happiness for him. 

 

 

Hawke throws a small surprise party for his best friend. Carver and Merrill are there, as well as Frederic (who studies Draconology and is a friend of Mahanon's) and Sera. 

It's nowhere near a real party, even. Mahanon is still very happy.  
He leaves the day after, promising Hawke to skype with him on a regular basis.

 

 

Hawke has still not gotten used to how empty the flat is with only one person inhabiting it. 

It is eight in the morning, the alarm clock has just rang Hawke out of his slumber. With a groan, he rolls out of bed and sleepily wobbles into the kitchen for breakfast. 

Going through his mental to-do-list, he reminds himself to not forget that a potential flatmate will come by today.  
After receiving quite a few calls, he decided on the one person who send an email. 

Silence is very much appreciated in this household (eventhough or maybe because Hawke tends to talk a lot, he actually prefers quiet people). Mahanon has approved.

Hawke stares at his schedule on the fridge. Great, first class is with this professor who likes to humiliate his students...

Hawke decides to skip.

He spends the next hour sleeping. Then he wakes up and cleans the house. Showering. Making lunch. Doing the dishes.

He manages to twist time until it's finally three o'clock and the candidate is about to show up. 

Despite rationality, Hawke wears his favourite t-shirt for luck. It's red and Leandra's last gift for him. He's still grown a bit since then, but Leandra was smart enough to buy it one size larger. Today, it fits Hawke perfectly.

When the doorbell rings, Hawke hurries to the door and opens it with an overly enthusiastic gesture. "Hello!" He welcomes the young man with a naturally friendly grin. 

Then he faints. 

 

 

Hawke wakes up on the couch. 

Fuck, he thinks, unable to say anything.

"Are you alright?" Fenris asks and Hawke groans. 

The memories keep crushing down on him like giant waves of emotion. Fenris crushing a man's heart with his bare hands, lyrium veins glowing on his skin, Anso, slavery, Danarius, sitting at the Hanged Man, fighting together, Varania, leaving, coming back, evenings spent reading, a red piece of cloth tied around his wrist-

Realisation hits him.

He has just met his soulmate! Where is Mahanon when he needs him? Oh right, in Tevinter. 

Going on autopilot due to a lack of alternative options, Hawke nods. "Guess I got really excited to see you," he halfheartedly jokes, still not quite conscious enough to actually think about what just has happened. 

Fenris doesn't quite smile but seems a bit more relaxed. He doesn't seem to remember him.

"You should drink something," he amends and offers Hawke a glass of water. He accepts it and empties it in one go. Fenris watches in silence.

When he's fit enough, Hawke decides to show his guest around for a bit.  
Fenris follows behind him and inspects the flat with a lingering gaze and sharp eyes. 

The walls are painted in a light yellow (champagne, if Hawke remembers correctly) and is hanged with tons of baubles. Mostly photos of both Hawke and Mahanon's friends and family, of their time back in high school and the cities the've travelled. Then a few souvenirs and interesting items they've found wherever.  
The rest is very basic furniture that doesn't completely go with anything else. 

It's still comfy.

Apparently, Fenris is indeed the silent type, so Hawke feels free to speak whatever comes to his mind. "As you can see, our kitchen and living room are combined. Three bedrooms are in the back, yours would be on the right."

He leads his guest into said room and lets him have a proper look. Size-wise, it's definitely within reasonable boundaries. Fenris seems content.

Over a cup of coffe, Hawke goes over all the details with him again regarding finacial matters.

"Are there any special conditions or house rules?" Fenris finally asks when Hawke is done explaining everything in much unneeded detail. 

Hawke thinks for a second and then shrugs. "Nothing major. As long as you're not one to throw a fifty-strangers-in-a-little-flat party every weekend, we're good. Oh, and running out of coffe is not acceptable, either."

Fenris gives a low chuckle. "I think that can be arranged."

 

 

The second Fenris has left, Hawke calls Mahanon via skype.

"You won't believe it," Hawke cries as soon as he's logged in. "I met him!"

Mahanon is really confused and doesn't get it at first.

"My soulmate!" Hawke impatiently specifies. "I just opened the door, and then he was there! Just like that! And then I knew and then I fainted-"

"You fainted?" Mahanon is the type to worry about these things. 

Hawke immediately recognises his faux pas and hurriedly explains, "It's fine! I was just out for, like, a sec! Plus, Fenris took care of me..." 

Now that he thinks about it, he has no idea how this narrow framed elf dragged him on the couch.

"I am relieved," Mahanon answers with a straight face. "You need someone who can manhandle you."

"Hey!" Hawke protests with pained laughter. He's gotten used to Mahanon's sand-dry humour by now.

"So, when will he move in?" the elf asks.

"Next month."

Mahanon contently nods. "It's good to know you're not alone anymore."

 

 

Hawke enjoys working at the local travel agency. As a student and part timer, he is technically not qualified to do everything. However, his boss really likes him for some reason.

Varric, aforementioned boss, is the owner of said chain and therefore travels around a lot. But this store was his first, so it's like his headquarters.

Then, there are also Isabella, Bethany and Josephine working at the shop. Hawke gets along with each of them, even if he's the only male. 

Isabella is the only on he can remember, though.

She can sense at once that something's going on. "Spill it, big boy," she smirks before Hawke has even reached his table. He feels giddy and nervous and like he has to tell everyone, so he blurts out "Soulmate."

Isabella squeaks in delight and hurries over on her heels that must be at least one meter high, somehow not managing to fall, and hugs Hawke.

In this moment, Bethany and Josephine return from the coffee machine and almost drop their cups because they see Isabella's arms around Hawke's neck and instantly *know*.

"Tell us!" Bethany demands, and Josephine confesses, "I admit, I am very interested as well."

So Hawke reports, because how can he refuse these lovely ladies?  
In fact, they shower him with congratulations and envious remarks. He flushes a bit because it's really strange to be fangirled over.

"You have to show us a photo!" Bethany cheerfully calls, supported by the other two. 

"I don't even know if he recalls me," Hawke argues. "What if he doesn't?"

Isabella laughs. "Of course he will, sweet thing! No one can forget your magnificient beard!"

 

 

One glance suffises and Hawke knows. "You met someone," he states and Mahanon nervously chuckles in response. 

It's Saturday night, and the friends are skyping.

"I can't say I haven't," the elf admits. "But that is bound to happen when you're in a foreign country." His smile is playful.  
Then, he starts fidgeting and spills the beans. "You're right, I met someone. I am just not quite sure what to make of it..."

"No way!" Hawke is delighted. "Come on, just throw it at me already, I know you're dying to tell someone."

Mahanon blushes a bit more and helplessly shrugs. "It's mere... interest, a tiny crush at best. You know that I still don't remember my soulmate. I'm not even sure if we get along, yet."

"But he's handsome?"

"I guess."

Mahanon is patient and accepting and refuses to be superficial. Maybe it's his inner artist who keeps looking for the good and beautiful in every person - anyway, he tries hard to never judge a book by its cover.   
In return, he doesn't care too much about first impressions and incredibly good looking people. 

"While it might be of help to have a pleasant outer appearance," he always says, "That doesn't automatically mean I have to like you."

"More details," Hawke demands. With a small sigh, his friend complies.

"He's a student and we share some courses. He appears to be the type to talk a lot. His remarks are surprisingly witty and sensible, though. I haven't decided yet if that's an admirable or annoying treat. He's also very intelligent and sophisticated. He likes to read. That's all I've found out so far."

Hawke snorts because the shy smile on Mahanon's face tells him everything. It cracks him up, really.

"Only interest? This is definitely a full blown crush!" The smile on Hawke's face is smug and Mahanon blushes again. "I really hope he remembers me," he quietly confesses.

After a few more minutes of mindless chatter, the bid each other goodbye and log off with a smile.


	2. Main Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris moves in and Mahanon is overwhelmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy that chapter as well - I'd like to think it is more interesting than the previous one, though.

Everything goes as planned and Fenris moves in the next month. The things he brings are few of number. Hawke helps him setting up the bed and the table.

It's surprisingly fun.

"Are you sure it's okay like this?" Hawke asks when he sees the state of Fenris' furniture. 

"I have no idea," Fenris truthfully answers.

Hawke discovers that he can build stuff together without so much as instructions. He just has a quick look at the picture of how it's supposed to look like, and then makes it look like it.

He suspects that Fenris is just the tiniest bit impressed. Hawke takes great pride in the fact that he's at least somewhat able to read Fenris' facial expressions, albeit not fluently.

"Thanks," the elf says with deep voice and Hawke grins in return.

 

 

Hawke sighs. He's trying to study. Sadly, he doesn't understand anything at all. It's not supposed to be like this, is it? Even when you're annoyed by the effort you have to provide, you should still like what you do, no? Aren't people free to choose what they want to do with their life?

Hawke doesn't know what to do with his life, but he knows it's not *this*. His mother keeps pressuring him into it and he fails more and more.

Maybe it's time to make a decision - which one or what for, he doesn't really know.

 

 

It is a strange situation. Remembering a soulmate is not how you expect it to be.  
In the movies, you see this person, overwhelmed by the memories and the emotions. Of course, the feeling is mutual and there's your happy ending.

It is a bit different for Hawke. While he *has* fainted because he regained mostly all of his memories about Fenris at once, and although he does know that Fenris is important...

It doesn't feel like he's overbrimming with romantic emotion. Instead, he feels a little more secure.

 

 

Hawke has known Marlowe Dumar since his early childhood. He used to be his mother's secretary at that time.

Though little Garrett quickly learnt to despise anything related to his parents' work, he has come to like the young man who always brings him sweets and treats him nicely.

Over the years, even when Marlowe left the company, maybe especially then, they have become friends.

Therefore, Hawke has not been too surprised when Marlowe asked him to become his son Saemus' godfather three years ago. 

Hawke takes his relationship with the little boy seriously and thus babysits him every once in a while. Marlowe and his wife usually use the opportunity to go on a date.

Today is one of these days.

Hawke picks Saemus up in the morning. "I'm afraid we have to go back to my place, first of all," he explains to the toddler on the backseat. "Contrary to you, I still haven't had breakfast, and it has become kind of a thing that I'll make breakfast for Fenris, too- Oh, you haven't met him yet!"

Saemus is in the phase where he's learning to speak and happily repeats "Bweakfast!" Hawke is happy to see that the child takes the most important meal of the day so seriously.

Well, of course he could just get something to eat on the way, but where would be the fun in that?

Apparently, Fenris has just woken up before Hawke returns. He groggily sits at the kitchen table and stares at the wall, in desperate need of a coffe.

"Sorry to be late," Hawke cheerfully calls. "Meet my godson Saemus! I'm babysitting him for today." 

Fenris wakefulness increases at a rapid pace. Meanwhile, Hawke brews coffe with Saemus resting on his hip.

"So it'll be three of us," Fenris deducts.

"Well," Hawke says. "Actually, I was planning on going to the zoo with him. But if you're free, you can tag along as well, of course!"

Oh my god, since when has he been so smooth?! He must have learnt a thing or two from Isabella, after all.

Fenris shrugs. "Why not," he answers. "But only if there's enough coffee."

 

 

Hawke still can't believe it. He's on a date with Fenris! With the addition of Saemus, but oh well, you can't have it all.

They are currently standing in front of the lizards. "Look," Hawke points at the animals. "Those are tiny dragons!"

Fenris gives him a look. "Don't teach him wrong things," he remarks. 

Hawke shrugs and cleverly retorts "It's not too far from the truth! They're basically real-life dragons. Nothing wrong with seeing magic in everyday stuff!"

Fenris shakes his head, but Hawke can see him quietly chuckling.

 

 

They leave with ice cream in their hands. Hawke and Saemus got chocolate while Fenris went for Mocha.

"Did you have fun?" Hawke asks. Both Saemus and Fenris respond at the same time with a confirming "Yes", Saemus in a cheerful manner, Fenris' voice being calm and deep in contrast.

"Glad to know," Hawke grins, trying not to laugh about the way his flatmate faintly blushes.

 

 

"How's it going?" Hawke asks the next time he skypes with Mahanon. Upon which he receives an intense blush and an awkward smile.  
"I can't believe it," he deadpans. "This is disgustingly cheesy!" 

"Well," Mahanon responds, "It may or may not be the case that he... asked me for my number?"

"Ew," Hawke replies with the biggest grin. "Should I start planning your wedding?"

Mahanon shakes his head at that. "He asked in a rather casual way. It might be that he just wanted to be friendly. Although I have the vague feeling that he treats me a bit differently than everyone else. I'm not sure. You know I'm not good at this."

"Believe me, I'd totally act as your wingman if I was there! I'd tell you what he thinks of you."

Which is 100% true, because that's Hawke's secret superpower: Being able to tell how a person feels just by looking at them.

Well, except Fenris, as it seems.

Mahanon chuckles. "Maybe he *does* remember me. I'm certain I can tell you more next time. Anyway, how are things with you and your soulmate?"

Now it is Hawke's turn to get all flustered and embarrassed. "We kind of had a maybe-date, if you squint real hard."

"Really?" If Hawke wouldn't know his best friend better, he'd say that he's envious.

"As I said, not a real one. I went to the zoo with Saemus and he came along."

"That's good news!" Mahanon encourages. "You don't go anywhere with a person you don't like."

Hawke doesn't want to get his hopes up, yet he can't fight the stupid grin on his face.

"I'm looking forward to meet him," Mahanon says with a content smile and means it.

 

 

Hawke knows by now that Fenris is not only incredibly intelligent but also surprisingly sophisticated.

He frequently enjoys reading challenging books while casually drinking fancy wine out of not-so-fancy glasses. He knows a lot about arts and literature and further topics that Hawke hasn't found out about yet.

Hawke's most recent discovery though is that Fenris actually is a big fan of Bossa Nova.

As the uncultured savage he is, he had to google said genre first. Apparently, it's a genre of Brazilian music, which developed in the 1950s and 1960s and is today one of the best-known Brazilian music genres abroad. 

Hawke is both surprised and intrigued at the same time. 

He assumed that Fenris might be more into Rock or Heavy Metal, if at all into music. 

You know, the way he's always walking around in mostly black clothes. Then again, maybe that's just him being classy in his own way?

"I knew some buskers back in Tevinter," Fenris explains upon Hawke asking him how he learnt so much about music. "They taught my quite a few songs."

Hawke is genuinly interested in this matter. "Do you play any instruments?"

Fenris nods. "I got to try a few. However, I feel most comfortable with the guitar."

"Oh my," Hawke sighs dreamily in the manliest way possible. Once again, he is astonished by how perfect Fenris is. "So you could play me a song?"

"I don't own a guitar," Fenris says and shakes his head. "Maybe next time, though."

 

 

Hawke wakes up in the middle of the night. He hasn't had nightmares in a long time. Now, however, present and past fears mingle into an atrocious hurricane.

With jittery hands and racing heart, Hawke stands up to make tea.

Mahanon's absence pains him more than he leads on. So does Leandra's death. True, he's lucky that he got his soulmate by his side. However, Hawke still basically doesn't know him, and even Fenris can't replace this lack of dependability.

Would the elf listen to his sorrows at this early stage of their relationship?   
Hawke doubts it. 

Suddenly, he feels very lonely.

 

 

Hawke has mostly overcome last night's worries. They're still there, of course, but he's managed to lock them away.

It's not healthy, he can hear Mahanon say in his head. But he doesn't exactly want to talk about it. It's nothing new, anyway.

He thinks Isabella notices, but she stays silent.

 

 

Hawke's first birthday without Mahanon. He feels strangely depressed. Usually, Mahanon would wake him with a cup of cocoa and a croissant. Today, however, it's raining outside and no one's here to congratulate him.

Whatever, he thinks, it's just another year.

When he enters the kitchen, Fenris surprisingly awaits him. He's got an already half empty mug of coffee in his hand, another one standing on the table.  
When he notices Hawke, he silently says, "I thought I'd make coffee for you today."

Hawke doesn't know how to respond. So he just grabs the cup and sits down.

"Happy Birthday, I guess," Fenris offers with a tired grin. 

"Thanks." To his own surprise, Hawke's voice is not just rough from sleeping.

Fenris shrugs, then awkwardly hands him an envelope. "A gift," he says with averted eyes. And when Hawke regards the Birthday card with a puppy on it, Fenris adds "It reminded me of you and Biscuit." Biscuit was Hawke's dog.

The actual present is a gift card for a carpentry workshop. "You seemed good at it," Fenris explains.

It is the first time Hawke really, really wants to kiss him.

 

 

Hawke is already at work when he notices he has never told Fenris about his past self's dog Biscuit.

 

 

The next time Mahanon skypes with Hawke, he looks alarmingly neutral.

"What has happened?" Hawke asks and his friend gives him a kicked-puppy look. 

"Something I should have expected, yet neglected to take into account," Mahanon deadpans. "Just like me, he doesn't remember his soulmate. I'm afraid, he just wants to experiment."

"Oh, shit!" Hawke is genuinely concerned. "And what did you do?"

"I told him that this is not what I want."

Mahanon is straightforward like that, although he somehow manages to not be rude at the same time.

Thanks to his rational mind, Mahanon os usually abled to dismiss these thing quite fast. This time, however, he looks positively disheartened.

"That is the end of that," Mahanon says and logs off.

 

 

Hawke knows that he has to confront Fenris, especially after he couldn't rant about it to poor Mahanon who has his own problems at the moment.

How can it be that Fenris knows something, anything about his past?

He remembers, a part of him screams. He has remembered all along! The more rational part of him votes for a nice round of talking.

Due to a lack of alternatives, he does just that.

Hawke waits until evening, walking around with an uncomfortable feeling in his guts all day long. When he's sure that it's late enough, he gathers all his courage.

"Fenris, how come you recall Biscuit?"

Fenris is in the middle of washing the dishes and almost drops a plate. Oops, maybe Hawke should work on his time management.

Hawke feels a bit sick, but he doesn't look away when Fenris eyes meet his own with toe-curling intensity, and stands his ground.

"He was my dog," Hawke adds. "But only in my past life."

Fenris slowly, carefully puts the plate back into the sink. Then he rushes out of the kitchen. Hawke can hear the front door slamming close.

 

 

As much as he doesn't want to burden Mahanon, Hawke feels like he's going to drown if he doesn't talk to him about it.

"I'm so sorry," Hawke says. "But I really need your opinion."

"Don't worry," Mahanon answers. His smile is a bit weary, yet sincere. "Tell me what's happened."

So Hawke does. He begins at the very start when Fenris moved in. The memories. How he fell for him all over again, or has never fallen out of love and just rediscovered how important Fenris is. Also, how he just stormed off.

"It sounds a bit complicated," Mahanon summarises the situation. "But not necessarily in a bad way. Fenris' personality appears to be rather complex, isn't it?"

Hawke nodds, helplessly so.

"I vaguely remember seeing him once or twice in Skyhold. I think he often wandered around on his own whenever he pleased. I also believe that he always returned."

Hawke thinks about it. "So," he finally says, "You mean that I should wait for him to come back?'

Mahanon nods. "He will have to talk to you at some point. Until then, give him time."

"Thank you." Hawke'd voice is a bit hoarse due to emotion.

"No problem."

 

 

Meredith sends Hawke an invitation for a business party. He doesn't go.

 

 

Fenris has avoided Hawke over the last few days. The latter is aware of it and hurts, yet chooses to say nothing. After all, he's used to bottling up all his problems.

Today, however, will be different.

Hawke can feel it, the way Fenris steals quick glances at him, the way he fidgets and does not directly leave the room upon Hawke's entrance...

Hawke waits.

The minutes stretch into hours. Night has made her calm entrance before Hawke knows it. Fenris is still in that very state of unspoken words. Maybe there's a way to make it easier for him, Hawke thinks. But what?

Maybe Fenris doesn't know how to start this conversation? If that's the case, Hawke will gladly help. He makes cocoa for them both, calls for Fenris and waits until he enters the kitchen. 

"I would like to talk to you," Hawke drops the bomb. Fenris flinches, his facial expression resembling the sentiments of panic, shock and terror.

"Or," Hawke quickly adds, "Tell you something. You can feel free to comment afterwards. It would just be nice if you could listen."

Fenris can do that.

They sit down at the kitchen table with the cups in their hands.

"So," Hawke begins. "I do recall my past since my teenage years. I remember a lot. And... since the day you introduced yourself, I also remember you."

Hawke isn't sure if that was rational enough for Fenris who looks like he might pass out. So he tries to elaborate.

"I don't expect anything from you. Honestly, I don't really feel like I'm madly in love or something. Nonetheless, you are... important to me. I guess, it's more a platonic kind of thing right now. Although I won't deny that I find you very attractive and am probably in the process of falling in love with you."

Fenris blinks, his eyes slightly flickering in thought. Then he nods.  
"Okay," he says. 

He doesn't smile, but Hawke can tell he is relieved.

 

 

Mahanon texts him in the middle of the night. Hawke immediately knows that this is an emergency, his friend is far to polite to randomly disturb people at ungodly hours, so he sits up so fast his head is spinning.   
When he logs in, he finds himswlf staring at Mahanon's distressed and pale face. 

"I must ask you a question," Mahanon quietly requests.

Hawke suddenly feels very protective of his friend who is always calm and never looks so vulnerable. He nods.

"So," Mahanon explains, "He didn't react the way I thought he would upon my refusal. I figured he would simply leave me alone, but..."  
He pauses at that with an absent gaze that speaks of longing and painful memories.

"Did he apologise?" Hawke asks as careful as possible.

Mahanon nods. "He came by this evening. And, to be fair, he did his best to explain his point of view. He didn't try to offend me. It is just that he doesn't really remember his past. He keeps hoping that if he meets the right person, his memories will come back eventually. So he just tries to date people he wouldn't mind as a soulmate.  
He asked if I still never want to see him again. I told him that I'll think about it because seriously, I don't know."

Hawke nods in understanding.

"Besides," Mahanon adds, "The semester is over. My flight back is going in less than two weeks."

Hawke offers him a sympathetic smile. "I'm no expert myself when it comes to relationship issues, you know?"

"I'm aware," Mahanon replies. "But I'm in desperate need of objective advise. So, please, if you would?"

"Honestly, I can't give you a black or white answer, I haven't personally met him after all... It depends on what he said, I think. How did he apologise, exactly? Do you think he was being honest?"

After a bit of thinking, Mahanon comes to a conclusion. "I think so," he truthfully answers. "He was definitely serious. Also, he rarely expresses his feelings, so it must have been an effort to do so."

"In this case," Hawke deducts, "I would judge the matter on basis of how how treats you. In general, I mean. If you have a bad feeling from the start, you can basically forget him. But if you would at least be willing to try? Who knows, maybe it's worth a shot! He might turn out to be the one."

Mahanon seems to think about it for a while and then gives a grateful smile. "You have helped me a lot," he says. "Thank you, Hawke."

Hawke grins in return.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
